017 - Rebecca Schocker - Mindset Coach - Finding Your Why

[00:00:00] Alright everybody, we have another episode of the Health Movement Podcast for you this evening. Unfortunately, Tim can't join us, which I know is devastating to everybody that you have to listen to my voice the whole time. But good news, I have a special guest Rebecca Schocker on with us who's a Mindset Coach for men. So, you don't just have to listen to my voice after all. Tim will be joining us on the next one. So, without any further ado, let's get started.

[00:00:34] Hello everybody, welcome to another episode of the Health Movement Podcast. My name is Derek, I'm a teacher of over 20 years, a certified personal trainer, two-sport collegiate athlete. And before we get started, as always, we're not doctors. So, before you go changing any of your nutrition or fitness plans or anything like that, please consult your doctors.

[00:00:58] But without any further ado, I have a very special guest. And I'm realizing now, I feel like I always introduce the guests as a very special guest. But this one actually is really a very special guest. I've been looking forward to having this conversation for a long time since we were planning the podcast over the summer. With us is Rebecca Schocker. She's a Mindset Coach. And I'm going to let you kind of explain what it is you do and we'll just go from there.

[00:01:25] Hi, thank you, Derek. And thank you for having me. So, hopefully you can hear me fine. I am a mindset coach. I started my own coaching business seven years ago. I knew when I was about 20 years of age in college, my first year of college, that I wanted to be a life coach.

[00:01:46] But I didn't think that I had enough life experience. So, I went out and gave myself life experience. And through my own journey and struggles and challenges, I stumbled across becoming a health coach.

[00:02:05] And something in that moment, I was about to learn more. And something in that moment clicked and it made sense. So, I invested thousands of dollars and got myself started. It wasn't really what I was looking for, but it did get my foot in the door to starting my own coaching business.

[00:02:18] And so, that was just over seven years ago. And where my coaching journey has taken me is I started out with health and fitness. And I started teaching women how to train properly in the gym and focusing on nutrition, fitness, and mindset.

[00:02:38] And I realized very, very quickly into that. I didn't enjoy teaching people how to work out. It wasn't fun for me. I realized that people weren't necessarily at the same level of intensity that I am in the gym. So, that wasn't fun.

[00:02:55] And I also realized, too, that there was so much more going into health and wellness than just the exercise program and the nutrition. It was really the mindset. It's like we needed to really focus on mindset and how we can shift their thoughts about themselves to actually make a true transformation.

[00:03:18] And plus, with my background in psychology, social work, it kind of went hand in hand. So, I started really focusing more on mindset, life coaching, personal development.

[00:03:29] And then from there, I picked up my first life coaching student. And so, we did life coaching. That was a female. And then I picked up my first male client.

[00:03:38] And then from there, it just kind of spiraled and trickled down. Men just started showing up.

[00:03:43] And for the longest time, I resisted it because I didn't want to work with men. That wasn't my plan. But they showed up. And I realized, Rebecca, don't resist it. Embrace it.

[00:03:55] And I did that. And I realized that I speak boy. So, it works very, very well. I'm a very direct communicator. And there's kind of no BS with me. Get straight to the point. Straight shooter. And that really resonates well with men.

[00:04:13] It's appreciated. As a teacher, I'll notice arguments the kids get into. And I don't want to generalize, but I'm going to do that anyway.

[00:04:24] But it seems like when the girls get into a fight, it lingers for a long time. The boys get in a fight. They yell at each other. And then one of them is like, hey, do you want to go play soccer?

[00:04:33] And they're like, hey, let's go. And then it's over. They're direct. They tell each other what they're thinking. And it's to the point. So, I can see how that would be appreciated.

[00:04:44] Especially if you're at the point where you've hired a life coach. You obviously know there needs to be something to work on.

[00:04:52] But it's not going to help if it's a two or three month process to get to the actual problem. If somebody can be direct and to the point, you get where you want to go a lot more quickly.

[00:05:05] Absolutely. And it's not always fun to have those hard conversations. But I know they're much appreciated. And every one of my clients tells me that they want me to be firm with them.

[00:05:17] They want me to tell them, you know, what it really is. So, it's not fun for me, but I know it's necessary.

[00:05:24] So, that's kind of where we're at today. And I will say this, Derek. People come to me, I think, knowing that there's something that needs to be addressed.

[00:05:33] They recognize that they need to change something. And obviously, it's kind of packaged as, you know, stress management or clarity or working on goals.

[00:05:44] But really, ultimately, what I am coaching is teaching people how to have a better relationship with themselves, how to love themselves more, how to be authentic, and how to own that, and how to really have better relationships with other people.

[00:06:01] So, in terms of that, which I think, that's not easy. That is not easy to get to that point where you are like, all right, I'm cool with who I am.

[00:06:11] I know I've messed up before. I've done things well before. But regardless, I'm going to keep moving forward and I'm happy with who I see in the mirror. That's not easy.

[00:06:21] So, how do you even get started on a journey like that?

[00:06:26] Yeah. So, that's a great question. And for me, it's actually very easy. And I think that's just natural for me being a female, right?

[00:06:37] So, my job is to create a safe, neutral environment where these men can feel like they can open up to me.

[00:06:45] They can tell me anything and everything. And there's absolutely no judgment whatsoever.

[00:06:51] And to really just create that environment where they feel supported, they feel validated and understood.

[00:06:58] And with that comes asking tough questions, getting to the root of what's really going on beneath the surface, underneath the hood.

[00:07:08] And part of that is taking my background, taking my life experiences, and also just my natural born gifts.

[00:07:16] I'm really good at being able to help people tap into the subconscious mind.

[00:07:21] Don't ask me how or why. I just can't.

[00:07:25] I have gifts. Those people are good at.

[00:07:27] Yeah, I can read people very, very well. And so, part of that is paying attention to what they're saying, what they're not saying, observing their behaviors, and making sure that they're staying on track.

[00:07:39] Because in reality, I'm not teaching or coaching something that's tangible, right?

[00:07:44] It's not like I'm teaching you how to work out. You're going to the gym, and all of a sudden, after six weeks, you're starting to see a difference.

[00:07:50] You're starting to get the muscle mass. That's not what I'm teaching.

[00:07:55] I'm teaching something that you can't see, right?

[00:07:59] So, how do we know that we're on track?

[00:08:01] How do we know that there's actually growth and that there's improvement?

[00:08:05] I'm glad you brought that up because I wrote that down as a question.

[00:08:08] How do you determine success in a situation like this?

[00:08:13] So, when my clients are repeating back the things that I've taught them in conversations down the road, I know that it's starting to click.

[00:08:23] They're starting to get it.

[00:08:24] So, it's the words that they're using.

[00:08:27] It's their demeanor.

[00:08:29] I'm feeling their energy.

[00:08:31] There's a little bit of a lightness.

[00:08:32] The clouds seem to be kind of lifted based on the conversations we have.

[00:08:39] That makes sense because I even think back to, you know, we all have those moments where things aren't going well.

[00:08:45] And you can, the way you present yourself is, people can tell.

[00:08:53] People close to you, people who have conversations with you can tell that there's a difference.

[00:08:56] And then when you kind of get that light back and that happiness back and it's consistently there more.

[00:09:02] I mean, everybody has bad days.

[00:09:04] You can't avoid those.

[00:09:05] It's going to happen.

[00:09:06] But they don't last as long.

[00:09:09] And it might be bad moments as opposed to bad days.

[00:09:14] I think that's, it's got to be awesome for you to be working with people.

[00:09:20] And I'm sure you've worked with a number of them successfully at this point in time after seven years.

[00:09:24] I'm sure there's quite a number.

[00:09:26] But to see that moment or a few moments in a row where you're like, they got it.

[00:09:32] Like, they're through it.

[00:09:33] They don't need me.

[00:09:35] You know, it's a success.

[00:09:37] That's got to be an incredible feeling for you.

[00:09:39] Oh, absolutely.

[00:09:40] It's what keeps me going.

[00:09:42] And I always say they caught the bug, right?

[00:09:44] And so they get it and they understand.

[00:09:46] And it's the most gratifying thing as a coach, you know, what I can receive for myself, right?

[00:09:54] It's a two-way road.

[00:09:56] And not only are they having transformations and growth and perspective shifts, it's just really fun to watch other people step into their highest and best selves.

[00:10:07] Like, it's wonderful, right?

[00:10:10] It really has to be.

[00:10:12] And it makes – like, we all, you know, you have to make money.

[00:10:15] You have – you know, we have bills and all that other stuff.

[00:10:17] But if you can get that rewarding feeling in knowing that you made – you helped somebody's life.

[00:10:25] They feel better.

[00:10:26] They're better off.

[00:10:27] Their family's better off.

[00:10:28] And you just have – you know, you had a part in that.

[00:10:32] But that's super rewarding in itself.

[00:10:36] So that's –

[00:10:37] No, no, I'm not saying it's about you.

[00:10:40] But part of the job is, like, you want to feel good with what you're doing.

[00:10:45] So I imagine that that piece is nice, too.

[00:10:50] Yeah.

[00:10:51] I want to make sure that they get the results that they want, right?

[00:10:54] Like, I can't leave somebody hanging and be like, okay, see ya.

[00:10:57] Our time's up.

[00:10:58] Bye-bye.

[00:10:58] Like, I have a relationship with all my past clients to this day.

[00:11:02] They know they can reach out to me at any point.

[00:11:04] And I will be there to guide them.

[00:11:07] And it's really, truly about the relationship that we have built with one another.

[00:11:13] And that's what's most important to me as an individual is the relationships we have.

[00:11:18] But mostly the one that we have with ourselves.

[00:11:20] Have you learned a lot about yourself through this whole process?

[00:11:24] I mean, I definitely –

[00:11:26] Go ahead.

[00:11:27] I was just going to say, or did you get to the point where you had had a chance to reflect quite a bit

[00:11:33] and get to a point where you were very –

[00:11:36] I don't want to say comfortable with yourself,

[00:11:38] but you had already gone through the journey and then you were able to help people?

[00:11:41] Or are you continually learning from everybody else as well?

[00:11:45] Oh, I absolutely am continuing to learn.

[00:11:48] I feel like, you know, one of my favorite sayings, the Tao Te Ching, is, you know,

[00:11:53] when the student is ready, the teacher will appear.

[00:11:56] Well, I can't say that I'm the teacher, right?

[00:11:59] There's always something to learn within a conversation with someone else.

[00:12:03] So I am constantly learning.

[00:12:04] I will say I have gone on my own journey.

[00:12:07] I've spent, as I said, over 20 years in psychology field of understanding and learning

[00:12:13] and personal development and subconscious mind.

[00:12:15] So I'm always learning and growing myself, but I'm also learning and growing as I'm hearing feedback,

[00:12:23] you know, and listening to my clients.

[00:12:25] So it's never ending.

[00:12:28] There's always growth.

[00:12:29] That's great.

[00:12:29] Yes, absolutely.

[00:12:32] And I think you said at the beginning, like when you set the stage, when you start meeting

[00:12:37] somebody, it's important to have that judgment-free zone where people just know like, all right,

[00:12:44] this is who I am.

[00:12:45] I'm going to say it and there's no judgment.

[00:12:49] And I had put a big note down on paper before we started.

[00:12:53] And I'm like, you can't be judgmental in this field.

[00:12:56] People have to be able to open up.

[00:12:57] And I love the fact that that's one of the first things you said when you're getting to

[00:13:02] know people is there can't be any judgment.

[00:13:06] We don't know what everybody's been through.

[00:13:08] Everybody's had a different path in their life that led them to where they are.

[00:13:11] And we all make mistakes and do things wrong.

[00:13:13] But it's unfair to pass judgment on somebody, especially when they're trying to improve who

[00:13:21] they are and to look at life.

[00:13:24] Maybe not look at life a better way, but just be overall a better person.

[00:13:29] If it's needed and necessary to know that show up how you are, right?

[00:13:36] Be who you are and it's safe and you can tell me anything.

[00:13:42] Like, absolutely.

[00:13:42] I've heard it all before.

[00:13:44] There's nothing that surprises me or shocks me.

[00:13:46] I've heard it all.

[00:13:47] And the more that you can be real with me, as I try to present real, this is why it's

[00:13:54] real with Rebecca, right?

[00:13:55] Like what you see is what you get.

[00:13:56] There's just, there's no fluff, right?

[00:13:58] And there's, we don't have space or time or energy in our lives to have the distractions,

[00:14:05] to have all the noise.

[00:14:06] It's like, just be real with me.

[00:14:08] And the more that you tell me, the better I'm going to be able to help you because I

[00:14:13] have to understand you better than you understand you.

[00:14:17] Well, that's a good point.

[00:14:18] And you, I mean, I imagine that's advice you give to people in all their relationships is

[00:14:24] you have to be open and to the point, like not rudely, obviously, but if you're feeling

[00:14:29] a certain way in a certain relationship, you have to be willing to put words to that or

[00:14:34] the other person's not going to know what's going on, whether it be a spouse or a family

[00:14:38] member or, you know, a parent, a kid, anything, or coworkers even.

[00:14:43] Absolutely.

[00:14:44] And that's, maybe that's just it.

[00:14:46] It's actually putting it into words, right?

[00:14:49] And being able to express it and teaching people by having a real authentic conversation of like

[00:14:55] how to have other conversations with our partners, with our children, with, you know, our colleagues,

[00:15:02] our business partners.

[00:15:03] It's really, really important.

[00:15:05] And sometimes people don't, they actually just don't know how to communicate.

[00:15:11] Yeah.

[00:15:12] And I think, I think that, I mean, guys definitely have certain areas where we're direct, but

[00:15:18] we also just bury it down deep and, you know, say, I'll deal with that later.

[00:15:24] It's fine.

[00:15:24] It's fine.

[00:15:25] I can tough it out.

[00:15:26] But, um, so getting them to, to bring whatever they're thinking to the surface and just, just

[00:15:32] own it, have the conversation, and then you can move on and, and improve upon whatever

[00:15:38] it happens to be.

[00:15:40] Well, and let me add to this, not just own it, but you need to understand it, right?

[00:15:45] You need to understand yourself inside and out.

[00:15:48] And the more that you can master yourself, the better that you're going to be able to

[00:15:52] understand other people, therefore equating to better relationships.

[00:15:55] So it's about fully understanding why you do what you do, when you do what you do.

[00:16:02] Now, I think I read somewhere and I apologize if I got this wrong, but usually people will

[00:16:07] work with you in 12 week stints.

[00:16:09] Is that, and then I'm sure some continue on longer than that.

[00:16:13] Um, yes.

[00:16:14] So I have been doing 12 weeks, but I actually just switched it to six months.

[00:16:19] So I'm doing six containers, but it's not every week.

[00:16:24] So we're actually doing every other week for six months.

[00:16:27] Okay.

[00:16:28] I, yeah.

[00:16:28] Cause I didn't know timeframe and obviously every situation is different.

[00:16:32] So you can't say you're going to be fixed in 12 weeks.

[00:16:35] So you're good to go.

[00:16:36] Um, but I didn't know generally, like when somebody is committed to a process like this, um, and,

[00:16:43] and Tim and I talked a lot about this in terms of health and fitness, when you're ready to

[00:16:48] make a change, you have to get out of that pre-contemplative stage where, you know, you're not

[00:16:53] even thinking about it and you've got to start, you know, being in the contemplative stage

[00:16:58] where you're willing to, to look at things objectively and make changes.

[00:17:02] Once people are at that point, is there, do you give them a ballpark?

[00:17:06] Are you like, it's, it's different for everybody and it's going to take as long as it takes?

[00:17:12] No, I've been doing this long enough and I've worked with enough people.

[00:17:15] So I know the trajectory and I will say by session seven or eight, there's a massive shift,

[00:17:22] right?

[00:17:23] It usually takes.

[00:17:24] Oh, absolutely.

[00:17:26] I can see it.

[00:17:27] I've just seen it without fail it around.

[00:17:29] And I would say incredible week eight, but since I'm spreading them out now, so it's session

[00:17:34] eight, there's really a big transformation within, I want to say 95% of the people I work with.

[00:17:43] So three to four months, four months, usually somewhere in there.

[00:17:46] If it's, if we.

[00:17:48] Not long at all.

[00:17:49] That's such a thinking about like, you know, oh, sorry, go ahead.

[00:17:52] No, I was just going to say this.

[00:17:53] So before when it was 12 weeks, when I was working with someone for every week for 12 weeks,

[00:17:58] it was by week eight that we were starting to see those shifts and those changes.

[00:18:02] And really what I'm doing, Derek, is I'm helping them rewire their subconscious mind.

[00:18:07] And so, yes, you can have results quickly, but that does take time as well, right?

[00:18:12] You can't expect an overnight change.

[00:18:14] Can't just give you a pill.

[00:18:16] Oh, absolutely not.

[00:18:17] You're better.

[00:18:18] So we have to change the thinking.

[00:18:22] Yeah.

[00:18:22] When you said eight weeks that, or eight sessions, that, that was quicker than I thought it would

[00:18:28] be, you know?

[00:18:29] And I think when we've been talking about the longevity of something and, you know, if somebody

[00:18:33] wants to lose 50 pounds, you can reduce caloric intake a ton and ramp up the exercise and lose

[00:18:41] it in a month and a half.

[00:18:42] It's not healthy and it's all going to come back and you're going to feel awful.

[00:18:46] But if you spread that out and you're patient, you know, lose one to two pounds a week in

[00:18:52] six months, you probably be where you want to be and you do it the right way.

[00:18:56] So I like hearing four months is, that's a huge change in, in, in my mind, that's, that's

[00:19:02] relatively fast, especially if somebody is in their forties or fifties and they're coming

[00:19:06] to you, they've been set one way.

[00:19:08] And knowing that that's a potential, if they put the work in, like that's, that's awesome.

[00:19:15] It's, it's, we have to adopt the belief that this isn't, this isn't something you just do

[00:19:19] once or twice or just to lose 50 pounds.

[00:19:22] This becomes a way of life.

[00:19:24] This is a lifestyle.

[00:19:25] So we, we don't just do it for the temporary, you know, result that we want.

[00:19:32] This is something that you shift your thinking.

[00:19:35] You understand your why and why you're doing it and why it matters and why it's important.

[00:19:41] And it's a new way of thinking, right?

[00:19:44] You have to have a true perspective shift in the way that you think about yourself and

[00:19:50] the way that you love yourself.

[00:19:51] That is.

[00:19:52] I, I, I love that you said you need to know your why.

[00:19:56] Tim and I have been hammering that before you start anything, you have to have a strong

[00:20:00] why.

[00:20:00] If you just want to look good in a bathing suit, that's not going to last.

[00:20:03] Um, but if you're trying to get healthy and you, you, you know, you want a longer life

[00:20:09] or you're cognitively, you want to be sharper.

[00:20:11] All the other stuff will come along with it.

[00:20:13] If you're willing to put in the work and you have that really, really strong why.

[00:20:17] Um, so I love, I love that you said that it's very validating to hear.

[00:20:22] So thank you.

[00:20:23] It's really important.

[00:20:25] Go ahead.

[00:20:27] Oh yeah.

[00:20:27] I was just going to, um, just going to throw another question out there unless you want

[00:20:33] to have a thought you wanted to finish up on that.

[00:20:34] I mean, I just, I guess it's really the biggest hurdle is teaching people how to overcome

[00:20:40] their limiting beliefs, right?

[00:20:43] And if they're not aware of them because they're at the subconscious level, you have to be able

[00:20:48] to break that open.

[00:20:50] Right.

[00:20:50] And so once they start to overcome these limiting beliefs and they start viewing themselves

[00:20:57] from their higher version of who they can be, who in their hearts, in their souls

[00:21:03] that they desire to be, who they know that's deep down in there, but they've had all these

[00:21:08] circumstances or these challenges or struggles, or they've been faced with a lot of adversity

[00:21:14] in life.

[00:21:15] Those beliefs tend to hold people back from reaching their goals.

[00:21:19] So it's really important that we break those beliefs down and we start forming new beliefs.

[00:21:26] And when you have new beliefs at the subconscious level, you start showing up differently.

[00:21:32] That's why it's a lifestyle.

[00:21:34] And this is why people that start diets or trends of exercising, or they'll start the first of

[00:21:41] the year, you know, this, you know, and they're all gung ho to get, get in shape for the,

[00:21:45] for the new year.

[00:21:46] Well, guess what?

[00:21:47] By week six, they're like, shoot, I can't keep doing this.

[00:21:51] And they, they don't have a foundation because they don't believe that they're worthy of it

[00:21:57] because life happens and life is always going to happen.

[00:22:00] There's always going to be something that's going to be thrown on your path.

[00:22:04] It's about maintaining that consistency and understanding why you're doing it.

[00:22:10] Right.

[00:22:11] And knowing that these beliefs aren't helping me.

[00:22:14] They're not serving me.

[00:22:15] I'm done.

[00:22:16] The quietest time at the gym is always the middle of February.

[00:22:20] What's the new people who sign up or they're like, I'm done.

[00:22:23] I can't, but you're right.

[00:22:25] It's, it's, I feel like you're speaking our language here with the light.

[00:22:30] It's a lifestyle change.

[00:22:31] It's not a diet.

[00:22:33] It's not like a workout program that you follow for 12 weeks and then you're done.

[00:22:38] You're never done.

[00:22:39] Like if you want to be healthy, if you want to, you know, mentally mindset wise, if you

[00:22:45] want to be a certain way, that's you now.

[00:22:48] It's not, I'm going to make a change and go to eight, 10, 12 sessions and be fixed.

[00:22:53] No, you, you're changed.

[00:22:55] You're a new person, hopefully a better person.

[00:22:58] Not that there's anything wrong with the old way you were, but there are probably things

[00:23:02] you want to change.

[00:23:04] But yeah, it's complete lifestyle change.

[00:23:06] I don't know.

[00:23:07] I love that you keep hitting, hitting these things here.

[00:23:09] They appreciate that.

[00:23:11] We up, we take their old identity and we weave it into the new upgraded version.

[00:23:17] So we're not wanting to change the old parts of you.

[00:23:20] We're just going to weed out the negative traits that we all have, the negative thoughts,

[00:23:25] right?

[00:23:25] We got to weed those out.

[00:23:26] We got to pull those loose threads.

[00:23:28] We're going to throw those in the garbage and we're going to upgrade your identity, right?

[00:23:33] So it's about embracing the fullness of who you are, right?

[00:23:38] The good, the bad, the light, the dark, all of it.

[00:23:41] We embrace it and we own it and we, we make peace with it.

[00:23:46] Right.

[00:23:47] And then we start to upgrade how we really think about ourselves.

[00:23:51] Yeah.

[00:23:52] And then that making peace part, that's a tough part there to really be okay with everything,

[00:24:01] you know?

[00:24:01] And it's, that's wonderful that that's how you're helping people out is to get to that

[00:24:09] point.

[00:24:10] Thank you.

[00:24:12] Now you're, and I always get psychologists and psychiatrists mixed up and I don't know

[00:24:18] why I have such a roadblock with that, but that's not, your degree is not in that.

[00:24:23] Is that correct?

[00:24:24] I'm not a psychologist.

[00:24:26] I like to pretend that I'm Dr. Shocker or Sherlock Shocker.

[00:24:31] Sherlock Shocker.

[00:24:33] I like that.

[00:24:33] I like that one.

[00:24:34] Uh, but no, I am not a psychologist.

[00:24:39] I'm just a student of life and my background's actually in social work.

[00:24:43] So I'm also not a therapist.

[00:24:46] But that's, I, I, I was going to say, I think, and I look back to, to the teaching

[00:24:52] classes I took in school and the teacher I am today has nothing to do with what I learned

[00:24:58] in school.

[00:24:58] I mean, I, I remember one of the first, first years they would have a daddy daughter dance

[00:25:04] and, and one of the students came to me and said, Mr. O, my, my dad's in jail.

[00:25:09] They don't teach you how to respond to something like that in, in a class.

[00:25:13] So you need those life experiences and there's so much more valuable to pull from.

[00:25:19] So the fact that you were able to put, I think you said 20 years of life experience into

[00:25:23] all of this is so much more valuable than, than four years in school and in, in classes

[00:25:29] that you can read the books of and learn yourself as you go.

[00:25:34] So I think that's, um, I think that's incredible that you've been able to come to this point

[00:25:39] and just really appreciate all the things that you learn and take throughout life.

[00:25:43] Um, it takes a lot of self-reflection and, and, and time to really think through everything

[00:25:48] and understand it all.

[00:25:50] So, um, yeah, absolutely.

[00:25:52] I love that.

[00:25:53] Like, yeah, my schooling, like it looks good on paper that I have a degree.

[00:25:59] Right.

[00:25:59] But in reality, what I learned in college and college is for some people and it's not for

[00:26:05] everybody and that's okay.

[00:26:06] But everything that I teach now and help my clients with honestly has nothing to do with

[00:26:14] my four years at university.

[00:26:15] It's, it's all life, right?

[00:26:18] I'm sure there's some pieces of it that I adopted, but mostly it's life experience.

[00:26:22] It's meeting people, connecting with people.

[00:26:25] It's going through my own journey.

[00:26:27] Like I am no stranger to adversity.

[00:26:29] Right.

[00:26:30] And it's how do we learn from that?

[00:26:32] How do we move on?

[00:26:33] How do we become resilient?

[00:26:37] Absolutely.

[00:26:38] Um, now can I ask you about an event you have coming up at the end of February?

[00:26:42] Um, you have the emerge event in Miami, which by the way is an awesome idea.

[00:26:49] You don't want that in Northern New England during the month of February.

[00:26:52] Obviously you're hitting Miami beach.

[00:26:54] Um, what's that going to be like if, if you don't mind me asking?

[00:26:59] And so this is my second retreat that I've hosted.

[00:27:02] I hosted another one in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico two years ago.

[00:27:06] I saw the video of that.

[00:27:07] That looked really, really good.

[00:27:10] So wonderful.

[00:27:11] It's so magical when you can come together in person.

[00:27:14] And so I had been hearing, you know, I always hear through the grapevine, people want to

[00:27:18] meet me in person.

[00:27:19] I'm like, well, I don't do that because all the work that I do is done online over zoom.

[00:27:25] And I also realized I, there's so many people that I work with and this is why they say it's

[00:27:32] lonely at the top, because when you get to this higher level of thinking your friend group and

[00:27:38] the people that you associate with dwindles, right?

[00:27:41] Because now you're not thinking like the masses.

[00:27:44] You're a different upgraded version of yourself.

[00:27:46] You're thinking differently.

[00:27:48] You're having higher thoughts.

[00:27:49] And so it's really hard to align yourself with like-minded individuals.

[00:27:55] So having that thought of like, okay, how can we get people together?

[00:28:00] I want to bring in these two other amazing coaches that I just admire and honor their

[00:28:05] work.

[00:28:06] How can we bring them together in a beautiful setting where we can have an intimate conversation,

[00:28:13] where we can have some teaching, some speaking events, and just really coming together

[00:28:18] with the like-minded individuals.

[00:28:20] Let's do this in Miami.

[00:28:22] So I decided to rent out a hotel and start bringing in people that we're going to have

[00:28:31] nice dinners out.

[00:28:33] We're going to have a whole event on Saturday.

[00:28:35] We're going to have a sunset sail on a sailboat on Saturday evening and really just come together.

[00:28:42] We're going to do workouts and just really bringing people together to network, to have a safe space,

[00:28:50] to connect, to meet us in person, and really just have major transformations over the weekend.

[00:28:57] And I'm confident that people will walk away with transformations.

[00:29:02] So if somebody wants to join you guys on there, Trevor Martin and Jennifer Jell, am I pronouncing her last name right?

[00:29:11] I think so.

[00:29:13] I never know.

[00:29:14] How would they?

[00:29:17] What was that?

[00:29:18] I don't know how to pronounce her name perfectly either.

[00:29:21] So we're going to say Jell.

[00:29:23] Okay.

[00:29:24] We're going to go with Jell.

[00:29:25] So if we have people who want to join you or are interested in getting more information,

[00:29:31] is that on your website or on your LinkedIn page?

[00:29:34] They can find it there?

[00:29:35] It's on my LinkedIn page.

[00:29:37] It should be on my web.

[00:29:39] Yes, it is on my website.

[00:29:40] So there is a landing page on my website.

[00:29:42] You can look at that.

[00:29:44] It'll say merge at the top.

[00:29:45] Click on it.

[00:29:46] It'll show you the itinerary.

[00:29:47] Obviously, it's going to be filled in more the closer we get.

[00:29:50] So it's kind of a rough draft.

[00:29:51] But right now, all we're asking for is a deposit of $500 to secure your spot, to make sure you're there.

[00:30:00] And then at the end of December, the remaining balance will be due.

[00:30:05] So it's really, it's not too expensive walking away with so much information, connection, networking.

[00:30:14] So you can definitely find it.

[00:30:15] And like you said, like-minded people.

[00:30:17] The type of people who are going to go there are the ones that probably would be an amazing, amazing group to spend a weekend with.

[00:30:27] And we're keeping it small.

[00:30:30] Yes, definitely.

[00:30:31] I'll put all the information in the show notes.

[00:30:34] So if people are interested, they can definitely find you there.

[00:30:39] And in Miami, too, in February, February, March, that's a perfect time to go.

[00:30:46] Yeah.

[00:30:47] Have you been down there before?

[00:30:48] Is that a new venue for you?

[00:30:51] It is new.

[00:30:52] I've never been to Miami.

[00:30:53] And I'm actually doing it in Miami because my 17-year-old son has this idea that he's going to be moving there after high school.

[00:31:00] And he wants to live in Miami.

[00:31:02] So I'm like, well, you can come with me.

[00:31:04] So I'm going to bring him and let him experience a little bit of it.

[00:31:09] And yeah, hopefully it's good weather.

[00:31:11] We can get out of the snow and have a really great time.

[00:31:16] Yeah.

[00:31:17] Oh, I'm sure that'll be incredible.

[00:31:19] Your son will probably fall in love with Miami as well.

[00:31:24] But it'll be good to go visit there.

[00:31:28] Can I ask you a little bit?

[00:31:29] Can we jump into fitness a little bit?

[00:31:31] Because I know your background was originally in training people.

[00:31:37] How much part of your life is fitness?

[00:31:41] Because I've seen those posts that you do, too, where you're throwing up some good weight and everything.

[00:31:46] So is that something that you consider an important part of your life as well?

[00:31:52] Yeah.

[00:31:52] Gym is life, right?

[00:31:54] Right.

[00:31:55] That's my gym is life.

[00:31:57] I will be at the gym five days a week without fail.

[00:32:01] And it's such an important part of who I am that I do it for me, right?

[00:32:08] I do it because I'll be honest here.

[00:32:10] When my life was falling apart and things were turned upside down, the one place where I felt like I could have control was in the gym.

[00:32:20] I could control how much weight I put on the bar.

[00:32:22] I could control how hard I pushed myself because everything in my external world felt out of control.

[00:32:29] So I dialed in.

[00:32:31] I mean, I've always been into fitness.

[00:32:33] I'm not going to lie.

[00:32:34] I was the girl that would go to the library when I was 14 and get Denise Austin videos and come home and work out.

[00:32:41] I love it.

[00:32:42] I love it.

[00:32:43] But I've been into fitness probably since I was a kid.

[00:32:48] So I've always had a passion for moving my body and just having fun.

[00:32:53] Like it's a playground to me.

[00:32:55] But it was really during my divorce is when I really started getting super serious about powerlifting, weightlifting, not just doing the classes or going on the cardio machines.

[00:33:08] I've never really been that type of girl.

[00:33:12] But it was just really dialing in, like having some goals for myself.

[00:33:16] How much weight can I really lift?

[00:33:19] Right.

[00:33:19] And amazed myself of like, holy crap, I'm actually really strong and I can do more weight.

[00:33:26] Right.

[00:33:26] Right.

[00:33:27] Yeah.

[00:33:28] And the control pieces, like even simply the control of getting there and walking through the front door and being at the gym.

[00:33:36] That's a huge step that a lot of people don't give themselves credit for because there are many times sitting on the couch feels really good.

[00:33:45] And the fact that you got up and even if it's a crappy workout, it's still a better workout than what you had.

[00:33:51] And maybe that's your floor for the day and that's the best you have in you is a junk workout.

[00:33:56] But at least you got there and you got something in, you know, and that can be a small victory.

[00:34:02] And then there are those other days where you can just crush it and you're there loving every second of it.

[00:34:07] Yeah.

[00:34:08] And some people don't love the gym and that's okay.

[00:34:11] And I tell people, I'm like, I don't care what you do.

[00:34:14] Just do something that's fun and move your body.

[00:34:17] Right.

[00:34:17] Right.

[00:34:17] And it is celebrating those small wins.

[00:34:20] And honestly, Derek, it's about developing that daily habit.

[00:34:26] Right.

[00:34:26] Make it become a habit that when you don't go to the gym, you feel off.

[00:34:32] Right.

[00:34:33] And that takes consistency and you start small.

[00:34:36] You start with, okay, two days a week.

[00:34:38] I'm going to start working out.

[00:34:39] Two days.

[00:34:40] I'm asking for two days.

[00:34:41] All right.

[00:34:42] You got two days down.

[00:34:43] You've been doing that for a month.

[00:34:44] All right.

[00:34:44] Let's add a day.

[00:34:46] Right.

[00:34:46] Right.

[00:34:47] So then we add a day.

[00:34:48] We're doing three days a week now.

[00:34:49] So we just, we do it incrementally, but you got to stay consistent.

[00:34:55] Yeah.

[00:34:56] I saw a, there was a, I don't know if it was a meme or whatever it was, but it was, I don't know if it was a picture of a lion, but it was like, I feel awful when I don't go to the gym.

[00:35:09] You complain about going to the gym.

[00:35:11] We're not the same person.

[00:35:13] We're not the same person.

[00:35:13] You know?

[00:35:13] So it's just, but it doesn't have to be the gym.

[00:35:16] Like you said, like, it's just being active and moving.

[00:35:19] Like if you love playing pickleball four days a week and that's your exercise, go for it.

[00:35:25] Whatever you can consistent running, walking, whatever it happens to be, as long as it's consistent, you're good.

[00:35:33] Well, and just in your body, getting your heart rate up.

[00:35:36] Right.

[00:35:37] Yes.

[00:35:37] Get your heart moving.

[00:35:38] That's what you need to do.

[00:35:40] I saw they, um, I don't know if these are just big or if I looked at one and now all the ads just pop up and this is all I see now.

[00:35:48] But something like a walking pad is looks like that would be super helpful if you just like, you can't get to the gym or you look down and you know, I've got an Apple watch and can see my steps.

[00:36:01] And there's some days where you're stuck sitting or you can't move and you're like, oh, I only have 5,000 steps and it's, you know, 6 PM.

[00:36:10] And just like, it's snowing out and it's freezing and going for a walk sounds miserable, but just hop on a walking pad and watch a movie or something.

[00:36:19] And, and, and there you go.

[00:36:20] I don't know.

[00:36:21] I've never used one.

[00:36:22] Maybe it's, maybe it's a terrible idea, but it just seemed like another thing, another way to just get moving.

[00:36:29] Like you said.

[00:36:30] I think the bigger thing too, is when you're not feeling motivated, like you're not going to feel like going, exercising or working out every day.

[00:36:37] It's think about, I always say this, like, think about the result after.

[00:36:42] How are you going to feel after you pushed yourself?

[00:36:45] And as you said, just getting through the door at the gym, right?

[00:36:48] Think of, think of that end result, right?

[00:36:50] Think of how you're going to feel knowing that, hey, I kept that commitment to myself.

[00:36:55] I showed up for myself.

[00:36:57] I honored myself and I went, right?

[00:36:59] I didn't do anything.

[00:37:01] I just stretched and sat in the sauna, but hey, I went, right?

[00:37:04] You did.

[00:37:05] You did.

[00:37:06] And this is how we build that inner confidence.

[00:37:09] So it's going to keep you showing up the next time, right?

[00:37:13] Yeah.

[00:37:14] And I love that where you're like, think about how you feel afterwards.

[00:37:18] And that can be the reverse too.

[00:37:20] I gave up added sugar for 30 days.

[00:37:23] And of course it ended right before Halloween.

[00:37:26] I felt fantastic.

[00:37:28] Getting up in the morning was easier cognitively.

[00:37:30] Like it was just sharper.

[00:37:31] And then of course Halloween comes and I eat like a jerk on Halloween and I've weighed too

[00:37:36] much.

[00:37:37] I couldn't get out of bed the next day.

[00:37:39] So now like I have that, that contrast, huge contrast.

[00:37:43] So I know you'd still have some candy here and there, but I'm not going to mow down a

[00:37:48] king size Reese's peanut butter cup package and not think it's going to have some sort of

[00:37:54] effect.

[00:37:55] So it just helps you knowing what to expect.

[00:37:59] The more you know yourself, the more you know your body, how it reacts to certain things.

[00:38:03] It's helpful.

[00:38:05] It's the same.

[00:38:06] Do you have a favorite workout?

[00:38:07] Oh, sorry.

[00:38:08] Go ahead.

[00:38:08] I was just going to add on to that the same philosophy of like, yeah, go ahead and eat

[00:38:13] the donut, right?

[00:38:14] But are you going to feel better or worse after you ate the donut?

[00:38:18] You're going to feel worse because you went back on your goal that you set for yourself?

[00:38:22] Are you going to feel good in that temporary moment because you satisfied a sweet tooth?

[00:38:27] Right.

[00:38:27] I always think of maybe, you know, you're like, all right, I'm going to, I'm, I'm going to

[00:38:31] be great for this week, but I want a donut on Sunday and that's going to be my little prize.

[00:38:37] And then you eat it and you're like, all right, that's good.

[00:38:39] That's what I expected.

[00:38:40] That's what I wanted.

[00:38:41] Yeah.

[00:38:41] One donut, not the whole box.

[00:38:43] Yeah.

[00:38:43] One, one, you don't need a dozen.

[00:38:46] That's not going to feel good for anybody.

[00:38:49] No.

[00:38:49] So what, in terms of fitness, what would be your favorite thing?

[00:38:54] If you, if you got to pick like, all right, this is my, my fit.

[00:38:57] If you had a fitness day, what would that entail?

[00:39:03] Definitely would include some squatting, doing some squat, lunging, walking lunges with weight

[00:39:10] and probably some sprinting.

[00:39:13] Right.

[00:39:14] That's good.

[00:39:14] And you.

[00:39:15] Stretching.

[00:39:17] Sprinting, stretching, squats.

[00:39:18] So you're a leg day girl.

[00:39:20] No.

[00:39:21] No.

[00:39:21] Have you seen my guns?

[00:39:23] No, I can't.

[00:39:25] No, they're definitely there too.

[00:39:27] They're definitely there.

[00:39:28] Me, I, I'm not a huge leg day fan, but I still do it.

[00:39:31] Cause I, uh, I'm 45 and I've had two torn ACLs and a torn meniscus and I still like to play

[00:39:39] basketball.

[00:39:39] So I know if I don't do my legs consistently, then, then they hurt and I can't move anymore.

[00:39:46] Um, but I, I, maybe I'm a normal guy and I look forward to the, the, the chest day and

[00:39:51] the arm day and that sort of thing.

[00:39:52] But yeah, you gotta be well, right.

[00:39:56] And, and you gotta think of those large muscle groups.

[00:39:58] So when I say squats, you're using your hamstrings, your quads, your glutes.

[00:40:02] Right.

[00:40:03] And so those are large muscle masses.

[00:40:05] And we really want to target that because the more muscle mass you have, you know, the,

[00:40:10] the healthier you are, right.

[00:40:11] The healthier you can burn and longevity and prevent obesity and disease.

[00:40:19] Yes.

[00:40:19] And I mean, that's the goal at the end.

[00:40:21] Like we all want to, like, you feel good when you look good a lot of the times, but it's

[00:40:26] the longevity piece.

[00:40:27] It's, you know, fighting off heart disease and diabetes and all the things that go along

[00:40:32] with, with obesity in a poor diet and lack of movement and everything.

[00:40:38] So I think once that mind shift or mindset shifts from, I have to look a certain way to,

[00:40:44] um, I want to feel a certain way and I want to be around for my grandkids and great grandkids.

[00:40:50] And I've got things I want to see.

[00:40:53] I want to go to the Swiss Alps or whatever it is and have your bucket list and make sure

[00:40:56] you hit every piece of it.

[00:40:58] Yeah.

[00:40:59] Like I have a goal of not ever, I always, you know, believe obviously my philosophy is

[00:41:05] to invest in your health now.

[00:41:06] So you don't have to pay for it later.

[00:41:08] And so my goal in life is to not ever break a bone and to not ever be on medication.

[00:41:14] I've never taken medication.

[00:41:15] My goal is to never be on medication.

[00:41:17] I hope I can get there, but I know I'm not going to get there without effort.

[00:41:22] Right.

[00:41:22] I'm going to have to take care of myself.

[00:41:24] I'm going to have to be really smart and think about the things I'm doing, why I'm doing it,

[00:41:29] what I'm eating.

[00:41:30] Right.

[00:41:32] Yeah.

[00:41:32] I like that.

[00:41:33] I am well beyond the never broke a bone goal.

[00:41:39] That said bye-bye a long time ago.

[00:41:42] But I do, I'm with you on the medication one.

[00:41:45] I think the longer you can avoid that.

[00:41:48] And a lot of the stuff, and not everything, I know all situations are different, but proper

[00:41:53] diet, eating clean, healthy foods, unprocessed foods, that cures a lot of problems that people

[00:42:01] run into as opposed to having to take medication daily.

[00:42:06] So I like that one.

[00:42:07] That's definitely a good one.

[00:42:09] What do you do to relax outside of the workout world if you get an afternoon to yourself?

[00:42:16] Is that, are you sitting up with your feet up reading a book?

[00:42:18] Are you going for a hike or playing Fortnite with your boys?

[00:42:24] I don't do video games, but I have really good work-life balance.

[00:42:29] So I honestly, believe it or not, I don't work that much at all.

[00:42:33] So I've got that dialed in.

[00:42:35] So I have a lot of downtime.

[00:42:37] Mornings are for me.

[00:42:39] I don't see clients before usually 11 a.m.

[00:42:42] So I'm at the gym, right?

[00:42:45] Doing my, getting my kids to school in the morning.

[00:42:48] Then I'm hitting the gym.

[00:42:50] Then I, in the afternoon, if I have some downtime, I take a nap.

[00:42:55] Probably every day I take a nap.

[00:42:58] You know, even just quick 20, 30 minute cat nap.

[00:43:02] I do a lot of writing.

[00:43:03] So I have really good habit.

[00:43:05] I write every morning in my journal.

[00:43:07] So I do a lot of reflecting, a lot of quiet time just in my head and just really reflecting

[00:43:15] and thinking.

[00:43:16] So those are my time to unwind.

[00:43:19] If it's a weekend, I'll get out in nature and try to go on a hike or just, you know,

[00:43:25] be somewhere away from people and the noise and the city.

[00:43:29] And so, yeah, that's how I unwind.

[00:43:31] And, you know, there's some nights I'll turn on the TV.

[00:43:35] I just got a TV.

[00:43:36] Actually, this summer, I didn't have a TV for the first half of the year and I didn't

[00:43:42] miss it.

[00:43:42] And I was like, I don't need it.

[00:43:44] And then, you know, sometimes I'll watch a little Netflix or a show or something.

[00:43:48] You're more, you know, working on your mind and the stuff that doesn't require staring

[00:43:54] at a screen, which I think we could all use a little less of.

[00:43:57] Um, I looked at the settings and the battery on my phone and how often it's on.

[00:44:03] And I'm like, oh, I mean, I'd like to think a lot of it is just music playing in the background

[00:44:07] or listening to a podcast or something like that.

[00:44:10] Or I'll just tell myself that so I feel better.

[00:44:13] Who knows?

[00:44:15] Whatever works.

[00:44:16] Yeah.

[00:44:16] I was just going to say, it's a habit that especially this younger generation, they are

[00:44:21] glued to their phones.

[00:44:22] And, you know, I can't fault them because their parents are doing it too.

[00:44:26] And so I don't like to be influenced by outside distraction.

[00:44:31] So I, I don't even have social media other than LinkedIn and I don't miss it at all.

[00:44:37] Like I'm not missing anything.

[00:44:39] That's good.

[00:44:39] Yeah.

[00:44:40] That's good.

[00:44:41] I wish I could say I wasn't on it more than I know I should be, but I definitely am.

[00:44:45] Um, and that's, that's a goal of mine is to, to cut back on that thing.

[00:44:50] Cause it, there are times I've noticed once I put like, I'm good about not doing it before

[00:44:55] bed.

[00:44:56] Cause that'll keep me up.

[00:44:57] And you look down and you've been scrolling for a half hour and can't remember a single

[00:45:01] thing you looked at.

[00:45:02] So obviously it's not that important or helpful.

[00:45:05] Uh, but that's definitely something I need, uh, to, to get better at.

[00:45:10] But, um, I know you've got a commitment coming up soon and I, I, I certainly don't want to

[00:45:15] keep you too long.

[00:45:16] Um, uh, is there anything you want to end with?

[00:45:18] Uh, do you want, um, to put out how people can get in touch with you?

[00:45:23] No, thank you.

[00:45:24] Just, I want to thank you for having me on and I'm honored that you, uh, saw me as a

[00:45:29] valuable guest.

[00:45:29] So thank you for that.

[00:45:31] And hopefully I didn't talk too much.

[00:45:33] Once you get me going, I talk and talk and talk.

[00:45:36] You can find me on LinkedIn and you can visit my website.

[00:45:39] You can book a call.

[00:45:40] You can find more information out about me.

[00:45:43] That's really the only way that people can get ahold of me.

[00:45:45] Send me a message on LinkedIn.

[00:45:47] Of course.

[00:45:48] I'll put everything in the, uh, in the show notes too.

[00:45:50] So people can reach out to you.

[00:45:52] Um, Rebecca, I can't thank you enough for taking the time.

[00:45:55] I know you're, uh, you're busy tonight and I really appreciate you.

[00:45:59] You talking with me.

[00:46:00] It was a lot of fun.

[00:46:00] I know time is probably the most valuable thing that you can give to somebody.

[00:46:05] So we appreciate you hanging out with us as well.

[00:46:07] Tim will join us on the next one.

[00:46:09] He was not able to make it, uh, tonight, but he'll be back, uh, next week.

[00:46:14] So thank you very much, Rebecca.

[00:46:16] I really appreciate it.

[00:46:18] Thank you.